It's really much easier to keep that mother-daughter connection thriving when at five you put your ear rings on her and took some snaps of her than when she's eighteen, wearing your clothes and taking your cosmetics without asking you!Yes, I have been deeply "troubled" with myself in these two years when I felt privacy being intruded by Rachel when she would take my clothes, skin care products or cosmetics without asking me. Am I a "mean" mother? Am I sort of a "private" person? Am I just picking on an already-good daughter? Am I just being too demanding on the daughter by insisting that she must ask for permission even for using mum's things?
Until I revisited this book, Between Mother and Daughter by Judy Ford and Amanda Ford. It is a teenager and her mom sharing the secrets of a strong relationship. There is a privacy quiz in the book for mothers and daughters -
For the daughters,
1. I ask my mother's permission before I use her make-up or wear her clothes.
2. I knock before entering my mom's bedroom.
3. I avoid snooping in my mom's closets or drawers.
4. I ask permission before I take money from my mom's purse.
5. I leave my mom's mail and personal papers alone.
For the mothers,
1. I knock before entering my daughter's bedroom.
2. If my daughter leaves her diary on the counter, I will not read it.
3. I avoid eavesdropping on my daugher's telephone coversations.
4. I don't snoop in my daughter's drawers or closets.
5. I ask permission before I read her mail or yearbook inscriptions.
What a relief! What an assurance! I am but a "normal mother" who wants best of my daugther and best of our relationship!
How do you score, mothers?
12 comments:
I too value my privacy. It's not about petty or selfish but about respect. For this reason. I do not check on their hphone messages nor do I snoop on their personal stuff. When I want to know, I ask politely. For this, I too expect them to ask before using or taking my stuff, which I am more than happy to share or lent.
Very similar to father and son privacy. In addition to the short list of 'Do Not' there is also a short list of 'Do.' Eg: take daughter out for short quality time, like have an ice cream together. For fathers, you could even have a game of pool with son in one of the town snooker halls.
You still have such a little girl? But I think it is also nice to have a "Lau Kian"
I am trying hard to live by those rules though I would very much like to know what goes on inside that her head. But I would rather we build a relationship close enough for her to share with me easily and that we maintain an open channel of communication.
iml,
You score well as mother! Congratulations!
fishtail,
Thanks for suggesting. There is a camp organized by Christian organization for father and son. Have not heard of one that binds mother and daughter!
fishtail,
No, that was Rachel when she was five. Just stressing a point with that picture.
That will be for grandma days. Are you are a "datuk" already?
wang tai tai,
Mothering is a mysterious task. We create an intimate, all-consuming attachment with our daughter in the beginning, then we would be spending the rest of our life learning to let go.
But that's fulfilling connections - where we learn, grow and experiment!
Let's be encouraged! Jia-yu!
sometimes it is hard to draw a definite line when there is no definite black or white zones and a lot of grey in between. the kid probably doesnt realize she is intruding. have a quiet chat with her. explain yrself. she wil understand. she is a good girl.
yan,
I think u are quite lucky to have daughter who wants to share ur belongings. For me, I hope so much that my 2 girls will put on my skirts or T-shirts, some sorts like that. U know what? They laugh my clothings as "lao-gu-dong". They don't like my style!Haha!So, I alone wearing all those clothings myself. Nowadays, young people like them, don't want anymore mothers' things. But i do found some of my friends who can share her clothings with their daughters. That envy me very much!
Not just mother/father-daughter. Hubby and wife also! Have to respect one another's privacy! Any letters, do not open! If there's anything to share, sure will tell one! No need to snoop like that!!! I will never read my daughter's diary, messages, letters etc...and she takes after me!
it is a mother's honour when daughters want to be like them.. it shows how much they admire their mom too. my girls think everything about me and fights over who gets even the sloppiest of the t shirts i own. lol i have to make a list who gets one now or they will end up fighting and say how unfair!
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